Lairig Marketing

November Updates & Highlights

That time of the month to pat myself on the back…

Can Web Analytics Measure Up?
Two follow-ups to November’s post about website performance measurement.

First, my recommendation of The Metrics Insider blog: a loyal reader cautioned that at least one of the blog’s contributors has a tendency to shill his own company's wares. So take Josh Chasin’s posts under advisement (and be sure to read the comments section, as the input there is as good as the posts!).

Second, my point that too many companies outsource analytics programs - here’s proof beyond belief:
“Kellogg Co. has hired Pure Visibility, an internet marketing firm…to apply Google Analytics to its websites…To complete this complex, significant project, Pure Visibility will work with the Kellogg Co. to create comprehensive strategic reporting across multiple websites…”

Kellogg’s can’t manage a few spreadsheets on a FREE tool?!? Eat your Wheaties!

Can’t Spend What You Don‘t Have.
Here in October and on other sites anytime I can, I rag on “gurus” who assert “now (recession) is the best time to advertise.” Here’s reality: Shop.org found 30% of online marketers surveyed were trimming holiday marketing budgets in expectation of low sales. And ad pages at the top luxury magazines fell 22% year over year for the December issues, according to Media Industry Newsletter

Detroit Can Now Be Saved.
I was a little ahead of myself with the Save Detroit post end of October. Wish they could have timed the Congressional hearings a little better.

One of my suggestions was to utilize slack labor from local ad agencies. Lo and behold, BBDO Detroit let 20% of its staff go the first week in November.

Let the Salesforce Be With You.
Salesforce.com proves it has the zig while others are zagging. It reportedly drew 50% more attendees to its annual user conference at the beginning of November, compared to 2007.

More importantly, just-completed Q3’s revenue growth was 43% over last year’s. Earnings were up 55%. Recession?

Eggs. Milk. And a Pencil.
Could someone at OfficeMax actually be thinking about real marketing strategy? The company is expanding its use of Safeway groceries as a sales channel.

So if sales actually improve for a change, the Elves will wrongly be given credit.

Disney Loans HP Its Brand.
While it awaits its new Brand Manager, Hewlett-Packard has co-opted the essence of none other than Disney, with its holiday portal themed, “This Year, Give Magic.”

Magic. You know, the stuff Disney has owned, hook line and sinker, for about a billion years.

The Future Are Now.
I said in September that a Forrester analyst was too conservative in saying it would take TV 10 years to become interactive. Two important initiatives were announced this past month alone.

(1) Dish TV will use technology from Invidi Technologies to deliver targeted, local TV advertising.
(2) Domino’s and TiVo will let viewers use their remote to pause a pizza commercial and order a pie for immediate delivery.

Match it up with a beer commercial and some folks would never leave the house.

October Updates & Highlights

OCTOBER UPDATES & HIGHLIGHTS

It’s that time of the month where I remind myself what a genius I am.

Elf Yourself Is On!
Told ya so. OfficeMax is indeed bringing back the biggest time and energy sink on the Web. I think it is hilarious that GrokDotCom has been able to SEO its slam story from last February as the #4 or #5 search result when you Google “Elf Yourself.” ZING!

Taking It to the Bank
I posted in June about how well JoS. A Banks has set itself up for the recession. The company proved it by recently announcing Q2 earnings 9% better than last year on a sales increase of 13%, with comp-store sales up 7%. Blowing away its competitors.

The Real Mark Hurd Stands Up
“Tack on the revenues. Cut some heads.” I posted this back in May when HP announced its acquisition of EDS. In mid-September, HP announced it will put 24,000 heads on the chopping block. Hope the blade sharpener is working.

I Drink Your Online Video Milkshake
I went into a rage in August, tearing apart two bullshit studies about “high” engagement with online video advertising. iPerceptions has just released a survey of 14,000 web users, showing the likelihood of click-through on video at less than half that of search and display, which would suggest a click rate in the HUNDREDTHS-OF-A-PERCENT, not 10% (one thousand times higher!) as the asshats at Break Media and Panache claim.

(No) Privacy Please
So Ron Lieber has this “Your Money” column in the New York Times where he dispenses “sage” advice to consumers during the economic crisis. He writes about a Web-based financial consolidation system called Mint:
“I began on Mint by entering…[my] passwords for American Express, Capital One, and Chase. That allowed the site to grab all of my transactions on the five credit cards I have with those companies and put them on a single list.”
And people continue to worry about online ad tracking systems while they hand over the keys to the castle.

September Updates & Highlights

A September to remember, for sure. As usual, I begin with blatant self-promotion.

Blatant Self-Promotion
I beg you once again to send a quick note to one friend or colleague this month to say “Hey, you should check out this blog. Some great stuff in here you might find interesting.” It’s called virile marketing…or something like that. (!)

And remember, if you get this via RSS, you’re missing some better-than-classic 80s music videos on the blog site. (!!)

The Many Faces of Tech Data
I received a nice note from the Marketing Services VP at Tech Data about last week’s post and the Best Joint Marketing award. Did I forget to say the award is “virtual” ???

More Alcatel Hel
It went from bad to worser last week for September’s save, Alcatel-Lucent. The company lost an appeals court ruling over patents to digitize music. Net net: $1.5 billion awarded to Microsoft, a company I hear is not in such desperate need of cash.

Krispy Ice Kreme
The inaugural save, Krispy Kreme, plans to dig out of its hole (pun) by serving “Kool Kreme soft serve“ ice cream. KK missed the summer and the Pinkberry fad (already over). Tick tick tick…

CMO’s R Us
Two weeks after naming a hotel guy as Kmart CMO, Sears promoted an “internal” marketing exec as its new CMO. He has relevant experience at retail hotspots Monsanto and Anchor Hocking. *coughs*

Credit Marketing Ethics = Oxymoron
New York’s attorney general had to put the following guidelines IN WRITING for student loan companies operating in the state:
- Do not use logos or return addresses on direct mail that are the property of the federal government or other lending companies.
- Do not mail fake checks or false rebate offers to entice students to take out loans.
- Do not advertise interest rates that are not really available to the typical borrower being solicited.
God knows what is allowed in the other 49 states. Maybe we need a bailout on this too.

I’m Not A Mac - I’m a BlackBerry
As a follow-up to June’s post on Apple’s challenge in replicating its iPhone success in the business sector, survey results from J. Gold Associates released this month found BlackBerry should maintain its dominant lead in B2B. Of 400 companies, just 16% think they will be using iPhones three years from now. 60% plan to be on the RIM platform.

Eat that, fanboys.

August Updates & Highlights

Long-time readers know I do a quick recap at month-end. Indulge me first with some blatant self-promotion.

Blatant Self-Promotion
If you like the relaunch of this blog and want to see it continue, how about you send a note to a friend or colleague once every month saying “Hey, you should check out this blog. Some great stuff in here you might find interesting.” I thank you ahead of time. ;)

Jamba Not-So-Juicy
Jamba Juice released quarterly results after last week’s “Save” post. As expected they stunk, with same-store sales down over 7%. Check this out, though:
“…our strategy is focused on changes in our business model shifting our focus from corporate store growth to franchising and in some cases re-franchising…based on our initial results from our relationship with Nestle…”
Great minds think alike!

A New Way To Get Your Credit Score
I’ve made many a post about the not-so-obvious online privacy concerns. I found another example last month. comScore reported a 30% rise in online credit card applications from consumers with subprime credit scores in the first quarter, compared to last year.

One might ask, how does comScore know the credit scores of its panel? HOW DOES COMSCORE KNOW THE CREDIT SCORES OF ITS PANEL? How soon until we read about this data being lost when some dopey employee takes it home on a stick?

The Plane To The Train
I posted a few months ago that airline “growth” wasn’t going to happen. As you might know, most carriers are cutting capacity 10% or more starting today. How does that train alternative look now?
“With the high price of fuel raising the cost of flying, Air France is looking into replacing some of its short-haul European flights with high-speed rail service, in partnership with a French train operator…“

Agencies Are Bad For Kids
I post a lot about positioning and messaging. This Hewlett-Packard story should hit everyones’ home. HP wants to drive more awareness among young gamers by running advertorials in PC Gamer and PC Maximum magazines. An HP marketing leader was quoted: "I came on board because HP wanted to build an authentic voice…This industry is filled with gamers that smell suits and marketing copy a mile away, and the last thing we want to do is reach out to an agency to write these."

Double ouch!
=== ===

ASSHATS, INC…Never got the courtesy of a reply from the AdAge editor re: its egregious error in sizing the online ad industry.

April Updates & Highlights - Part 2 (Privacy)

Since posting mid-April about the topic of privacy, I ran some unscientific tests to validate my two pet “theories”:
1) Companies are so inundated with your data they can’t make sense of it, never mind being intrusive with it.
2) Our biggest privacy concerns are with inept and dishonest employees, not ISPs or online ad networks.
For the first one, I tallied up my e-mail offers from two companies that should know me well - Delta and Chase. One has data on every flight or travel partner transaction I’ve had with them. The other has years upon years of credit-card purchase history.

From Delta:
#1: Reduced fares to Europe. I’ve not been to Europe on Delta, nor with anyone, in the past four years.
#2: Manhattan-to-JFK helicopter promotion. I wish.
#3: Bonus miles for flying into or out of (?) Atlanta or Boston. See #1.
#4: “Sale” on Atlanta & NY flights. They get a “half right” on this one.

From Chase (Visa):
#1: Access to Zagat ratings. Number of Visa-charged meals in Zagat-reviewed restaurants = zero.
#2: Beijing Olympics sweepstakes. Never been to China. Never been to the Olympics.
#3: Balance transfer offer. Typical mass-market, impersonal offer.

Theory #1? Check.

For theory #2, I tracked stories relating to breaches of customer data. Not a single report on ISP or ad network spying, but I did find these, and they map almost exactly to the scenarios I illustrated:

- A laptop containing data on students from three universities was stolen from an employee of SunGard Data Systems
- Central Collection Bureau had a server with the records of 100 corporate clients stolen. Not a laptop. A f*cking server!
- A press officer accompanying the president of Mexico at a summit in New Orleans stole seven BlackBerry units belonging to White House staff.

And, if you’re up for a heart-rending story, read this last example, about a man battling cancer while fighting off credit bureaus and vendors, all because the lab technician who drew his blood also stole his identity.
http://discovermagazine.com/2008/apr/09-the-man-who-lost-his-name-and-his-genetic-identity/article_view?b_start:int=0&-C=

Theory #2? Check. Mate.

This privacy thing might be a red herring anyway. Symantec reports the black-market price of personal data is falling fast. In the second half of 2007, bulk stolen credit card data had a value of just 40 cents per account. Your full identity; Social Security number, name, birth date, and address; was worth a measly $2.

So, the fact you visit online gambling sites could be more valuable than that?

April Updates & Highlights - Part 1

Tomorrow will feature a recap of April’s privacy discussion, so today let’s catch up on everything else that transpired this past month.

Speak First. Think Later.
I critiqued Bob Passikoff’s “desperation” comment re: Starbucks, but I’ll let you judge his quote about American Airlines and its recent grounding of planes. "The fact is that American Airlines ... prior to this happening, they were rated very low as regards safety, partly as a residual effect of 9/11." No word on where United and its two planes came out on this “rating,” nor whether survey participants were asked if they recalled who was piloting said aircraft at the time.

Second Opinion on Second Life
I got my digs in on January 8th, but still it was heartening to read this in early April: “Second Life was 2007’s most over-hyped emerging media trend. That’s according to 57% of the audience members polled at the Ad Age Digital Conference…”

What? Will Ferrell Doesn’t Cook?!?
So much for my advice on brand endorsers. In early April, Electrolux signed Kelly Ripa for her "multi-tasking talents as well as her signature style" to help launch its new kitchen appliance line. She’s one helluva cook I bet. (“So, um, which one is the oven?”)

Billy Ocean Comeback
Saving Krispy Kreme? Easier than I imagined. It launched a Caribbean Kreme doughnut with mango, pineapple, passion fruit, white icing and shortcake crunch (*vomits*). The company will also feature an island-flavored drink. I wonder why these are “limited time offers.” After June 2nd, no more, mon.

Consistency, Thy Name Is NOT Solutions Research Group
After I got up SRG’s ass for claiming a ridiculously high 43% of Internet users have watched a FULL online TV episode, it released a study at the beginning of April: “More women stream TV shows from network TV sites than men - 15% of American online women did so last month compared to 11% of men.” That equals 26%, under 43% by a scoche or two.

Bankruptcies R Us
Two “How Would You Saves” declared bankruptcy, but might still need our suggestions. The Sharper Image's now-ex-CEO is trying to buy the company. RedEnvelope announced a complicated bankruptcy and post-bankruptcy plan of operation.

Was Booing Allowed?
Actually an update from the March update. Bob Thacker of OfficeMax never held his “special blogger teleconference” (perhaps due to its announcement getting trashed on valleywag.com.) But he did speak as scheduled at the annual Promotion Marketing conference. A blogger in attendance posted that Thacker said 33% of people surveyed about the "Elf Yourself" campaign claimed they made a purchase at OfficeMax. That would represent about 5 months of sales, so I’m still calling bullshit on this one.

Even better, the same blogger quoted keynoter Carly Fiorina’s definition of integrated marketing as “the collection of every impression that the customer has about a company.” Oops, Carly, that would be the definition of a brand.

March Updates & Highlights – Part 3

Just a few more tidbits, and we can finally declare the month of March over.

Close But No Deodorant
I predicted an opening weekend of $37 million for Will Ferrell’s movie Semi-Pro. It came in a little under half that, and took four more weeks to finally crack $37 million. Barack Obama may be right – there is hope for this country.

Old Spice, which embarrassed itself to no end through its relationship with this movie, has already pulled the Semi-Pro/Jackie Moon shtick off its website. I’m guessing there’s at least one new opening in P&G’s marketing department this week.

Paterson Won’t Pull A Spitzer
New York’s new governor has no chance of repeating Eliot’s fall from grace. David Paterson, with his closet busting with skeletons, has set the bar so low his brand has nowhere to go but up.

Apple Are Geniuses
Billboards are so last century. What could Apple have been thinking? Well, turns out Apple had plenty of company – the Outdoor Advertising Association just reported that spending was up 7% in 2007, coming in at a cool $7.3 billion. With a “b.”

This Internet Stuff Is BIG !!!
We posted earlier this month how it’s going to take just a tiny bit longer for Internet ad spend to reach the 50%-of-budget threshold. But you wouldn’t know it from the very frequent Search Engine Strategies conferences.

The most recent one in New York took HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE THROUGH FIVE PARALLEL TRACKS OVER FOUR DAYS. Here is a look at the agenda if you don’t think it’s possible to fill up so much time.
http://www.searchenginestrategies.com/newyork/glance.html

I didn’t know picking a bunch of keywords was so difficult. Or so much fun, maybe? Or so lucrative? Yet search marketing is less than 10% of marketing budgets right now. I guess that means SES will be a full-year, nonstop event someday soon…

Get Your Geek On
Turns out this Geek Squad business has room for another masochistic company. Office Depot is launching Tech Depot.
"Many small businesses and home office professionals simply don't have the time or budget to handle their numerous computer and technology needs, and are looking for help," the company says.
Key word = help. We’ll update this update to see how well Office Depot gets geeky.

March Updates & Highlights – Part 2

Turns out we will indeed need this post and one more to clear out March. This stuff is just way too precious.

Digg Is A Drag
Here is a great example of why I want Web 3.0 to be less “democratic.” The #1 marketing blogger (via sheep-link count) had this to say about the economy on March 15th:

“So, there's plenty of bad economic news floating around. From the price of oil to Wall Street to bailouts to the death of traditional advertising. Which is great news for anyone hoping to grow or to make an impact.

Change (and the fortunes that go with it) is almost always made during the down part of the cycle. It might not be fun, but it's exciting. (Where do you think Google came from?) The opportunity is to find substantial opportunities (in any field) that deliver real value and have a future. Those jobs/investments/companies/ideas are undervalued right now, but not for long.”

That’s it. Compare it to my recession posts of Jan 3, Jan 18, Jan 25 and Feb 1. Yet Seth Godin got 20 diggs, for 136 words of sleep-typing nothingness. TWENTY. And I got none.

Oh and by the way Seth, I wasn’t aware we were in a down economy in the late 90s when Google was born. Many have called it the biggest bull economy ever, but what do they know?

Silly Elf #1
So I get this semi-spam, but the headline grabs my attention before I hit delete:
“Bloggers, Meet Robert Thacker, SVP marketing, OFFICEMAX”

Turns out the guy responsible for the “wildly successful” Elf campaign is going to ride that pony until its legs turn to nubs. Thacker is holding a “Press Teleconference” (whuzzat?) this Friday.

The topic: “Changing Tolerance for Risk: …Learn …how taking calculated risks can lead to big returns.”
I’m signing up, because I want to see what returns he is measuring. See our February update where we analyzed OFFICEMAX financials and found negative returns. If they don’t let me heckle by phone, I’ll heckle by blog next week.

Thacker’s teleconference by the way is a “sneak preview” of what he’ll present at the topic of our final update for today (see next item).

Silly Elf #2
The Promotion Marketing Association is holding its annual conference on April 8, at which Thacker will present his Elfness. One of The PMA’s keynote speakers will be Carly Fiorina. That’s right – the woman who was sacked for single-handedly almost destroying the Hewlett-Packard brand. What she will have to say about “promotions” (other than promoting herself) is anyone’s guess.

The last of the March updates come tomorrow, including how close and yet so far I was on predicting the gate for Will Ferrell’s Semi-Poop, I mean Semi-Pro, movie.

March Updates & Highlights - Part 1

We’ve hit on so many hot topics, the March update needs two (if not three) posts, so we’re starting the review one day early. We’re actually updating some stories from January. Strap yourself in – here we go.

The REALLY Big Idea
Donny Deutsch’s show gets more surreal every day. Last night he had on Howard Stern’s 367-pound sidekick, Artie Lange. What this had to do with “millions and billions” is unclear, unless it was a count of the total number of grams of coke Lange has ingested. Anyway, new meaning has been given to “big.”

CEOs Right On Time
We busted on the CEOs in January for their inability to see the rough patch we peasants are going through. But wait…some of them must have noticed their landscaping bills were going up.
“The Vistage CEO Confidence Index — a measure of economic, market, and industry trends — dropped four points from 4Q07 to 1Q08, hitting a five-year low of 72.0 amid concerns about the economy…”

How’s that coffee smell, guys?

The Duller Image – Part 1
Remember our idea to redo the whole Sharper Image store concept, as it navigates bankruptcy? Check this out.

“Cellular South is updating its Ridgeland, MS retail store to push web offerings in an effort to emphasize its updated business strategy…The new store is designed to mirror the layout of the website. There will be a total of 26 computer terminals, and 23 employees will guide customers through the process of using the company's website…
Ultimately Cellular strives to become entirely self-service…”

It can be done. We have the technology.

The Duller Image – Part 2
When is a gift card not a gift card? When you can’t understand the redemption rules.

“Sharper Image said yesterday that it would immediately resume honoring gift cards and other vouchers that were suspended last month when the company filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy…if customers use them in full during one transaction and apply them toward items costing double the value of the cards.”

Remember to bring a calculator when you go.

We Don’t Need No Stinking Airplanes
As you probably know, all those airline mergers were called off. But the race to the bottom we spoke of lives on. Not to be outdone by Southwest, both American and Delta said, “Oh yeah? Well we are going to put TWO HUNDRED unsafe planes out of service! So there!”

Don’t miss the updates coming Monday. Including not one, but two updates on those douchenozzle OfficeMax elves.

Have a good weekend. All 75 of you.

February Updates & Highlights

Update #1
This one actually harks back to a January post. OfficeMax just reported its financials, with retail sales dropping nearly $50 million in Q4 compared to same period 2006. We had sort of calculated those Elves would raise sales by $5 million. Hmmm.
Also in February, Staples bid $3.7 billion for Corporate Express. Will OfficeMax make it to the end of the year without a merger? I hear the Elves are getting nervous.

Update #2
On Feb 12 we talked about the sad state of the legacy airlines. While Delta and Northwest continue to piss about merger-wise, one of the Big 6 launched a new ad campaign. Unless you are willing to pay ten times coach fares though, forget it. The advertising is for American’s premium international travel services.

Update #3
The Feb 15 post kicked up a little dust about an overly sunny survey on online viewing of TV programs. Our dreams were answered within days. Nielsen just announced it will introduce “measurement of TV viewing on the PC screen” in its traditional TV panel by the end of 2008.

Update #4
The Feb 21 post was about the insane amount Hollywood spends on marketing its films. DreamWorks Animation shares have dropped $10, to $24, after Bee Movie’s poor U.S. gross. The movie had a rumored marketing budget of $100 million. Try getting some “buzz” on the internet next time, Jerry.

Update #5
Another update from January. More important than its recent barista training PR stunt, Starbucks announced layoffs this month that included Marketing personnel. Sigh. Stay tuned. This one is obviously far from over.

HIGHLIGHTS
Feb 6 – The right way to develop a tagline
Feb 13 – How you could have gotten rich (er, lucky) from the Super Bowl ads
Feb 22 – Why we need to keep digging, real deep, to really understand online social networking (more to come on this topic, for sure)
Feb 26 & Feb 28 – How Marketing can get screwed over during the customer sale

Mr. Will Ferrell did not endorse my blog this month. I’m still predicting his piece-of-poop movie grosses $37 million this weekend.

And anyway, Martha got the big endorsement this month. Way to go Emeril!