Corporate executives have finally eaten Marketing’s cooking. At last they appreciate what it is that Marketing does – get customers to fall for dubious claims – so now these managers believe they can run their hiring process the same way. How ironic that the shadiest job specifications are for the Marketing department.
Case in point – a job spec for a Director of Marketing at Logicworks, a managed hosting company. Here are excerpts from every line item posted for this opportunity:
"The Director of Marketing will be responsible for the following activities and initiatives:
Product Launches – …finalizing and implementing a more formal product launch process to ensure standardized collateral…
Marketing Events – Plan and execute ongoing events ranging from thought-leadership dinners and tech meet-ups to social gatherings and breakfast presentations...Manage end-to-end…from concept to logistics to post-event lead analysis.
Web Site Maintenance – …ensuring press releases, new product promotions and other announcements are added to the website in a timely and consistent manner.
Collateral Development – Provide copywriting and layout guidance to graphic designers…
Google – …manage the company’s PPC campaigns…optimize the campaigns…implement landing pages that drive higher conversion rates.
Public Relations – …coordinate PR activities with company executives and Sales
Blogs and Social Media – Contribute content and manage the daily production and posting of content for company blogs and social media outlets…
Partner Marketing – Assist in the negotiation and management of joint marketing budgets…
Competitive Intelligence – Maintain close tabs on Logicworks’ key competitors…"
So far, I’d say we are looking at approximately four different people. But it gets better. Check out these excerpts from “Desired Skills & Experience”:
"The Director of Marketing should possess a minimum of five years of hands-on marketing experience in a fast-paced entrepreneurial environment, preferably in the Complex Managed Hosting…arena."
See that? The industry itself has barely been around that long, but you should have already perfected every f*cking aspect of marketing within it. But we’re still not done. The spec includes ONE MORE section redundantly called “Preferred Experience,” with Disney World stuff like this:
"- CRM management and reporting
- Email database management
- Channel marketing
- Working knowledge of the Adobe Creative Suite…and Drupal CMS is a benefit."
That would be more than a “benefit” I would say. More like a fanstasy.
If there is someone who indeed fits every aspect of this profile, and is currently employed, they are already making four times what Logicworks would pay him. (If he is currently unemployed, he wouldn’t even be considered, of course.)
Welcome to the “new normal” for careers in Marketing. This is a job spec for God. Someone who walks on water.