With apologies to David Ogilvy, who famously said: “The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife”…you might want to get the phone number of your divorce-lawyer friend after reading today’s items.
First up, this from Consumer Reports. It recently released the results of tests conducted on packaged lettuce, which revealed high levels of “indicator organisms” – what it euphemistically calls indicators of poor sanitation. The company found that nearly 40% of salad samples exceeded the level that would be acceptable by federal standards in milk, beef and drinking water.
Why did it choose those comparisons? Because NO FEDERAL LIMITS ARE CURRENTLY IN PLACE FOR PACKAGED SALAD. This despite previous occurrences of widespread contamination, and related deaths and recalls. Here is the best advice Consumer Reports could muster: “In the meantime, consumers should buy packages of greens that are as far from the use-by date as possible." Thanks guys. I think I’ll eat the bag instead.
This should have been front page news, except no one reads the paper anymore. So it should have been the opening story on the nightly national news, except no one watches TV anymore. Can someone Twitter this please? Or Tweet it? Or whatever?
Yet tomorrow, packaged salad sales will be just as strong, if not stronger, than today.
Up next: the Federal Trade Commission reported toward the end of 2009 that it had busted a company selling those dang weight loss belts. You know, the ones that shed the pounds via electric current? How f*cking stupid do you have to be? Well, you’d be glad to know you keep company with SEVEN HUNDRED THOUSAND people who bought these things.
Finally, a tall tale from the technology world. Turns out all that “4G” stuff we’ve been hearing about from Sprint and its rivals? Complete bullshit. It’s all here.
On some far distant planet, I picture consumers marching down to the factory en masse and slaying management. Here on Planet Earth, however, it’s the marketers getting away with murder.